My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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