I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
