you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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