you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
