You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
