god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
