I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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