I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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