My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
