I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Green mimosas i think yes
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize