My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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