Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
