You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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