can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
