go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
