I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
