I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Two words: blizzard sex
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
