if i can run in heels then i can drive
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
