He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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