...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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