i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You were trust falling into bushes
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
