In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
