I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
