are you still at the devil's house?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
