I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
