whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
