Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
