I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Boobs are out for the taking
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
