Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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