Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
