at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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