So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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