Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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