Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
