you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
