dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
