alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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