Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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