I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
