my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
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