i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
