I hate all girls vehemently.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
