i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
