i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I love you.
Bad choice
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