and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
