Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
