3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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