Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can I color on your dick again?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
