think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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