so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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