I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
