a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
