It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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