omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
