I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
