I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i dont even know how to be here
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
